dun noe wat to do or say animore.... life is taking a very big turn for me nw... dun even noe hw i shld react.... firstly.. dad gt a mistress outside... i dun noe hw to react... he's going to China soon.. i wsh he ould make it big there.... den he would never come back... so me and the rest of the family dun need to see his face... something's wrong between me and her.... i dun wat it is... i dun even noe wat happened... all of a sudden she just became very cold... its like the sabrina i have for a gf just disappeared.. read her blog... she said she wished she could turn back time so she could perfect her life the way she wanted it to be.. i dun noe if it means anithing.. but i feeling that her perfect life probably meant without me in it... she seemed to wnt to tell me sumthing.. but she just wouldnt... i wanted to hold her hand yest.. but she refused to... my heart broke.. i may be a bit emotional.. but which guy would be able to take it...even though she said that its her exam stress.... but i can sense that she's pushing me away.... all my life... all i wanted was a person who could understand me and love me for whu i was.... and i tot i realli found whu i was looking for all my life... but all of a sudden she changed... i understand now why in sum dramas some old people say the a curse or spell was put on sumone.. i dun believe in this crap.. but i do believe why they feel that way.. its bcos when sumone changes all of a sudden... u jus dun understand y... one min she's the one for you.. next minute she just changes to another person.. i dun understand y... even nw.. as i'm toking to her online.. she uses one word to reply me... and its as if she doesnt want me in her life animore.. but she wan me to ask for a breakup...
i feel dejected... i have no motivation to do anithing nw... i wanna go on with her.. but will she wan to go on with me too ? sumtimes i feel tat i let her dwn.. during her squash trials... i said sumthing to demoralise her.. and she gt angry... but even though i told the truth.. i shld have tried to protect and encourage her more... maybe all this while... i was the one in her life that held her back from many things.. things she wanted to accomplish... such as the church ppl looking up to her as a good example... such as good grades.. total christian life... excellent squasher... good career.. be a tai tai as she said in her blog.. or maybe a missionary like her parents... haiz.... everytime i think abt the time she went to cambodia... the day she came back.. my birthday.. the thins tht she wrote in the cards she gave me recently... my tears just keep flowing.. i dun understand hw anyone can all of a sudden change so much... i ask her if we could talk after her squash today.. she said orh.. den she asked if it was serious.. but her replies were all one word.... i dun noe hw to handle the situation anymore... i feel dwn.... i am hoping for the best nw... i wish it is realli sum exam stress and that she will go back being the sabby that i loved.. but if nt.... i dun noe wat i shld do ..... all the while she was the motivation for me... when the motivation is gone.. would u still consider living ??
